Since I've started over in almost every other area of my life, I'm going to start over with my writing. For those of you who have followed me over at Bad with Conviction, thank you for continuing with me on my journey. For those who are new, welcome and thank you for spending a few minutes of your day with me.
I decided to call this little adventure "No Scar to Show." In Chuck Palahniuk's novel Diary, he writes,
"It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace."
|Beyond the Scars by Chelsea VanHook|
I've carried this quote around for awhile now, wearing it like a badge of honor on my heart. It somehow gave meaning to the hurt I felt. I told myself, "Self, if there's little to learn from peace, then you'll be a damn bloody genius by the time you come out the other side of this." And I have learned. I've learned more than I ever wanted to know, about life and loss, about myself. Those scars run deep and wide and have left my heart disfigured.
It is hard to remember sweetness, and I all but forgot what it felt like.
There is no joy in pain, though. There's no trophy at the end for whoever suffered most, no medals for the martyrs. I can let the pain define my life, or I can let it refine my life.
So here I am. I've made the decision to live and to love and to make the most of the rest of the days I'm given. And I hope when I'm done with this world, that the scars are old and faded. I don't want any more scars to show. I want happiness. I've learned enough. It's time for peace.